Hi Ho, Hi Ho....

It's off to work I go!!

Ok, so I've been looking for a job for a while now and let me tell you, it is NOT easy.

The only way you seem to be able to get a job these days is through someone you know, which is extremely frustrating!!

I absolutely HATE job searching, and it's not like there are new vacancies every single day.

It just gets really old, really fast and it really, really gets you down.

I've done hair here and there, but I can't imagine working in a salon. Doing hair was something I enjoyed doing, but my college experience ruined it. My course was completely rushed and I recently found out we were taught in shortcuts and the people who went back for level 3 had to be taught the real way to do things, so that was a total blow and I've lost confidence in myself because I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, even though I know I actually do because I actually read up and watched videos and demo's constantly.

ANYWAY.

I have a job finally!

And I think I'm gonna really like it! It's an unusual one, which I like, and I get to learn loads and travel a bit.

People are going to have opinions on this no matter what, because people always do and that's fine, I have my own opinion, so you're more than welcome to have your own but I'm still excited and find it really interesting.

I'm going to be a tobacconist.

The shop I will be working in is almost 200 years old!!

I am so excited to start tomorrow, I get to learn about pipes, cigars, tobacco....and my personal favourite, whiskey!!

I'm obviously very nervous, it's never fun being the new kid on the block but I've already done a trial shift with the people who work there and it all seems pretty interesting and the people are nice!! Which is always good!

I am so glad this is something I can get my teeth into! I've missed learning and I have been told apparently there is a qualification I can go for, 'masters of cigars', and I would be the first girl to do it! So, obviously, I want to do it so bad, and be the first girl!

It does seem like a pretty male dominated industry but I really want to get into it and become a specialist!

But we all know, besides the money, the best part of a new job is, of course, shopping for new clothes!

I have to wear black or black and white, which is fine because I live in black anyway so I already had a lot of stuff in but I ran out and got myself some pretty darn cute brogues and some trousers and I have to say, they look pretty snazzy on. I love the men's tailored look and I think that's what I'm going to be investing in, because I plan on staying in this job until I've literally done all I can with it...which I hope is never, because there will always be more to learn and more products coming out, new techniques etc.

So yeah, blazers, boyfriend coats, brogues, loafers, trousers, crisp white shirts! I can't wait to get paid!

I also needed a coat but was pretty strapped for cash, I looked everywhere, even good ol' Primark and just couldn't find one I liked, I wanted smart but structured, what's with all the weird fuzzy and bobbly textures this season?? Anyway I never think to look in Forever 21 for coats...I don't know why but I went in and there on the sale rail was a black, military/nautical boyfriend coat in my size! PERFECT! looked at the tag and it was reduced from £47.75 to £22.99 so I grabbed it and ran to the till.....rang up at £16. Was the best day ever!
I always struggle finding coats but this is a keeper! I'm not a huge fan of the gold buttons but I've pressed the collar so it is more 'boyfriend' style because I'll only wear it open anyway and I love it!!!

Forever 21 coat

G21 at Asda Pants

F&F Brogues.

I just thought I'd write this post as a little update! 

I think I may do a 'Back to Work' outfit post/series??

If You're Happy & You Know It Clap Your Hands.....

Are you happy?

I never know where I am to be honest.

Sometimes I am really, really happy and will just get a little light bulb moment and I'll stop in my tracks and  just grin and feel soooo good, then other times, not so much.

I plan on my little light bulb moment becoming a more permanent fixture this year. Obviously I know you can't be happy ALL the time. But why not like 99% of the time??

I've let other people bring me down and make me feel insecure and sad and really bad about myself, be that me feeling like I'm not good enough for them or about how I look.

I've decided no more though. Enough is enough.  I'm at a point where I've stopped and had a word with myself.

I had to question why certain people could make me feel certain ways, and then I realised, it was because I let them.

I was always really down and it was horrible. I struggle with anxiety and depression anyway, but it wasn't that.

They made me feel soooo good when we first met and then that wore off pretty quickly so I started putting it down to me, I was doing everything wrong, I must have changed in some way?? It never occurred to me that it was the other person changing. So I tried and tried and still couldn't figure it out, which brought me even lower because if I didn't know what it was, how could I fix it?

It's only recently I realised how much of my time I actually spent feeling really sad about how this now completely insignificant person thought/felt about me.

What a waste!!!!

All those nights I sat in my room not wanting to leave, I could have been out, moving on, moving up!

It made me really angry that I actually wasted my time in the first place, but you learn and grow I guess, so it wasn't a total waste, just went on a lot longer than it should have.

I know now, that anything is an upgrade from that situation and as long as I can be happy with myself, if someone does change the way they think/feel about me then there's not a lot I can do about that. That's them, not me. So I don't think I'll be wasting much more time worrying about it.

Life really is just too short to waste time worrying about other people you have no control over.

I'm moving on and feel pretty good about it, out with the old in with the new ;)

The funny thing is, I now know it wasn't me at all. I tried and was nothing but nice. I suppose some people will always just be wolves in sheep's clothing.

So, FUCK IT. Just LIVE and breathe and be grateful for the good things you have in life....If you stop and think about it, you'll see you have a lot more than you realise.

I am so thankful for who and what I have, I really am a lucky girl.

New Year

I know this is late and that January is almost over but YAY I have my new Chromebook finally so I can do some stuff!!

SO I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year.

I learned a lot from New Year this year, about some people I know knew, like, literally on New Years.

It made me so sad for a while, but you know what?? I've been feeling this sad since this person came into my life so I've kinda just turned sad into angry, which probably isn't healthy, but it feels much better than feeling super shitty about myself.

SO yes, things are a little different. And it's good.

A lot of my friends are going through things with boy's at the minute, and obviously it all feels like life and death because we're at that horrible age where we feel like we should be getting on with things by now and being grown ups and starting to get serious, and believe me, I've been feeling that way the last 2 years myself but hearing them all upset and stressing about things and trying to make things work has really made me re think things. I loved someone, but I wasn't happy. When they were saying they loved me and meant it, it was just words. I know that now. I just don't get it, if you're this stressed over things so often, why are you doing it? It can't be good for you? and it can't be what's right for you? I understand relationships go through patches, of course they do, but you have to look at it realistically if its every week or two?

I know some of them just don't want to be alone after being with someone for so long but I'd rather be alone than treated like a second thought all the time.

ANYWAY, I'm just rambling there. Yes, I have fewer people in my life now...kind of.

I recently caught up with an old friend and although we're just friends, he opened doors for me, moved my chair and bought our tickets and stuff and I was sooooo weirded out. I have never experienced that before. Honestly. When I told my friends, they were genuinely sad that I was so shocked by this. I am not high maintenance in any way, I am happy with food, tv and a laugh, so I think I've always just settled and assumed that because that's what I'm used to, that's just how it is. But it was so nice, I can't even explain.

I thought all chivalry was dead. Apparently not, and I am SO glad!

I've not been up to much really this month.

I have got a few things in the sales which I will share with you in another post or two when I get them all together!

I've bought a fair bit of make up, some clothes and bedding and.....erm.... I don't even know!

I haven't really made any resolutions this year either, I just want to make myself happier this year, I think that's my plan.

I  made myself a playlist earlier and I've got it on now and I LOVE it.

It's got random stuff on it like;

The Eagles, Taking Back Sunday, The Used, Fleetwood Mac, Now, Now, Cyndi Lauper, Avril Lavigne, Jack off Jill, Marilyn Manson, Kittie, Ashlee Simpson, Lily Allen, The Kooks, The Libertines, Razorlight, InMe, Demi Lovato, The Killers, The Strokes, Brand New, No Doubt, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Dolly Parton, Patsy Cline, Ellie Goulding, Glassjaw, Norah Jones, B52's, Funeral For A Friend, The Verve, Otis Redding, Lorde, R.E.M, Drake, The Cranberries.......

To name a few haha.

It's public and it's just called 'playlist' haha good luck finding it! If you do though, it's a good'un!

Well, I'm gonna get on with my room listening to my playlist haha.

Nice to just post something :)

Happy New Year.

SO, here it is....2013. We made it! haha!

2012 was an odd one.

Started off the year with a pretty grim outlook BUT, turns out it wasn't that bad of a year!

Made some new friends, made some decisions and  things started to look up after my birthday!

Got accepted onto my college course I've been applying to get on for the last few years! Finally get to do hairdressing and start making some pennies!!

Talked to this weirdo til 6am by the water ... stayed in touch with that weirdo and got myself a boy :).

One of the sweetest, most annoying creatures I have ever had the pleasure of knowing...and I know some pretty annoying people.

Went on holiday with my Mum and sister and it overlapped with my best friend so we got to spend a whole day together drinking cocktails!

My other best friend had a new baby girl, who is the tiniest, most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

My cousin got an AMAZING new job in Abu Dhabi so I now have more reason to fly Emirates haha!

Looking back now at 2009/2010/2011, this year has been really quite easy and  I think that's why it has flown by. Other than me being ill for the last leg of it, 2012 brought some wonderful things with it, I feel like such a lucky girl, but now I can't wait to see what 2013 has to offer!! - LOADS I hope!

Hopefully some travel, better health, a job I love, and more happy times and happy people!!

I never stick to resolutions so I'm not even going to bother, I'm just setting myself a few small guidelines:

Make the most of every moment I have, even the bad times (occasionally I do LOVE a good argument to cleanse the mind! ha!), look after myself, no drinking unless it's a special occasion, eat better for better skin and overall health and a better immune system, enjoy the treats!, exercise and meditate more, sleep more, drink more water and last but not least, save some money!!!

Basically do all of these things to make myself happy!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

hope you all have the best year ever and enjoy every moment!!

Body Beautiful?

I didn't know whether or not to write this post because I know it's a touchy subject.

I can't and would never speak on behalf of somebody but myself, as I only know about myself and my body.

I've struggled with my body the last few years. I used to be slimmer than I am now, then I got a boyfriend and we stayed in all the time and got takeaways or we went out to eat. Obviously it was fine for him because he had a naturally fast metabolism and had a hard time putting weight on. Good for him, bad for me.

So, yeah, we split up and I was trying things on for a 'girls night out' and I realised how much my body had actually changed. I actually cancelled on my friends, even though it was all in aid of cheering me up, got into my pj's and cried...and ate.

I've always loved eating. Like, I REALLY love eating. It's one of my favourite things ever, but I knew I had to go on a diet to feel better, so I did, and I made myself miserable. I can't not eat the things I like because if I restrict myself, I'll just eat wayyy more than I normally would anyway.

But I decided exercise was the way forward, I stopped my diet and decided I HAD to eat breakfast even though I hate eating it, and I had to have lunch and dinner at a reasonable time and with loads of veg or with fruit after each  meal. Anyways, after about.....3/4 months I lost 25lbs and I've managed to stay at that weight for the last 2 years, well not, that's a total lie, I've put on 4lbs, but I'm already on to getting rid of that.

I don't want to be thin, I know I'll never be thin, I'm not built to be thin, that's not what I'm aiming for. I'm aiming for happy and healthy. So after new year, I'm going to take up running again and eat more fruit and veg, that's my plan.

I'm still not very comfortable with my weight because I'm only 5'1 and a size 10/12 and my frame is quite small so it doesn't sit right on me. I do kinda like having a bum though, I must admit! I don't like to be called 'curvy' though, I don't know why, but one of my friends said it once and I was just got defensive. I think that's the medias fault though, putting labels such as 'curvy' and 'skinny' on people, I hate that. And the term 'real woman' for someone 'curvy' like, erm, hello? all women are real....aren't they?? I mean, if you pinch us, we're all actually here, real, not a figment of your imagination.... Sorry, I'll stop before that turns into a proper rant.

My boyfriend now is super active and always moving so I don't see him all the time, but he's fit and it kind of makes me want to do more...I haven't yet but I am determined,

Another thing about putting weight on  in those years, my boobs got bigger....I had quite big boobs anyway, I was a DD by the time I was 14/15 and I've always hated having boobs, in school I always felt weird because I had them before everyone but this one other girl, and I hated PE and getting changed and having to run and all the boys being really immature. When I put weight on, they got even bigger and they're still the same size now.

I'm still the same, I get so self conscious, I never, ever have them out, I get so paranoid.

However, I'm thinking as a new years resolution, I'm not going to make stupid ones like, 'I'll keep my room tidy' or 'I will limit my pizza intake to one a month' - ( impossible ones! ), but to accept that I have boobs and that, it's not so bad, everyone has them now, and if I like a dress but it shows a bit of cleavage, I don't have to immediately dismiss it.

I'm feeling a tiny bit more confident about myself now that I have started to relax, I've started wearing dresses too! I'm glad that I got myself to this point though, on that night I cancelled on my friends, one of my first thoughts was, 'I'll never get another boyfriend', and it really pisses me off that I thought that, now I can honestly say, I would never change to make someone like me and I'm glad I didn't. I did get another boyfriend, despite not looking that much different to when I felt so rubbish, and he just adds to it, he's so nice to me and makes me feel good. I'm happy, and when I'm happy, I smile... a LOT and I don't panic over the slice of pizza or cake I just ate, and life is easier that way!

But, I am going to look after myself next year, get fit and work with what I've got!!

I don't know why I wrote this. I think it was just so I have it in writing to remind myself to work at it. :)

Perfume.

I am obsessed with perfume!! I love it so much. I always have a moment of panic if I go out and realise I don't have anything on! So I run to the nearest shop I can get to, to spray some!

I have a few that I am loyal to and although people buy me different ones for Christmas, birthdays etc. I still tend to stick to the ones I love and will only use the others if I run out!!

Here they are!


1) Naughty Alice by Vivienne Westwood.

     I was walking through the Trafford Centre when this very first came out and one of those perfumey sales people squirted me with it as I walked past, normally, I hate that but I got a big whiff and fell in love!! I can't even describe what it smells like but all of my friends have gone and bought it and whenever they smell it they say it reminds them of me. It's quite a strong smell, and takes a while to fade but stays on my clothes forever! which I love...I spray scarves with it...and occasionally, my pillows because I love it so much!!
The three key notes in this perfume are; black rose, ylang ylang and carnal violet.

2) Princess by Vera Wang

     Princess is a super delicate smell in comparison to Naughty Alice, so this is more of a hanging out, everyday kind of perfume. I love that it smells so girly and  I LOVE the bottle. I wear the little crown as a ring. I love that it's like, lilac in colour and looks really pretty.
The top notes in this perfume are; water lily, apple, freshly-sweet mandarin and apricot
Heart notes; exotic guava, tiare flower, tuberose with a touch of dark chocolate
Base notes; vanilla, amber and wood

3) Bohemia by M&S

     I love this and nearly always have a bottle in my bag! It smells super clean and quite sharp, when I smell it, it reminds me of Black XS for men - which I LOVE! It's only £6 for the bottle I keep in my bag and £12 for the full sized bottle. Which is a total bargain price!! I was actually surprised when I came across the M&S perfumes last Christmas, there are quite a few really nice ones. I bought Bohemia and Butterfly. I also got a couple for my friends, because they have offers on buy one get one half price and they do gift sets too!

An eclectic fragrant blend of lemon, blueberry and bergamot with floral heart notes of lily of the valley, mimosa and gardenia drying down to warm aromas of cedarwood, amber and vanilla.

I'm quite fussy with perfume. I really do just stick to the ones I love for as long as I can.

I've also worn to death, Armani Diamonds, Clinique Happy, Lacoste Touch of Pink and Tommy Girl.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE perfume.

What are your favoutites???