If You're Happy & You Know It Clap Your Hands.....

Are you happy?

I never know where I am to be honest.

Sometimes I am really, really happy and will just get a little light bulb moment and I'll stop in my tracks and  just grin and feel soooo good, then other times, not so much.

I plan on my little light bulb moment becoming a more permanent fixture this year. Obviously I know you can't be happy ALL the time. But why not like 99% of the time??

I've let other people bring me down and make me feel insecure and sad and really bad about myself, be that me feeling like I'm not good enough for them or about how I look.

I've decided no more though. Enough is enough.  I'm at a point where I've stopped and had a word with myself.

I had to question why certain people could make me feel certain ways, and then I realised, it was because I let them.

I was always really down and it was horrible. I struggle with anxiety and depression anyway, but it wasn't that.

They made me feel soooo good when we first met and then that wore off pretty quickly so I started putting it down to me, I was doing everything wrong, I must have changed in some way?? It never occurred to me that it was the other person changing. So I tried and tried and still couldn't figure it out, which brought me even lower because if I didn't know what it was, how could I fix it?

It's only recently I realised how much of my time I actually spent feeling really sad about how this now completely insignificant person thought/felt about me.

What a waste!!!!

All those nights I sat in my room not wanting to leave, I could have been out, moving on, moving up!

It made me really angry that I actually wasted my time in the first place, but you learn and grow I guess, so it wasn't a total waste, just went on a lot longer than it should have.

I know now, that anything is an upgrade from that situation and as long as I can be happy with myself, if someone does change the way they think/feel about me then there's not a lot I can do about that. That's them, not me. So I don't think I'll be wasting much more time worrying about it.

Life really is just too short to waste time worrying about other people you have no control over.

I'm moving on and feel pretty good about it, out with the old in with the new ;)

The funny thing is, I now know it wasn't me at all. I tried and was nothing but nice. I suppose some people will always just be wolves in sheep's clothing.

So, FUCK IT. Just LIVE and breathe and be grateful for the good things you have in life....If you stop and think about it, you'll see you have a lot more than you realise.

I am so thankful for who and what I have, I really am a lucky girl.